Wednesday, June 17, 2009

shocked is an understatement

a post without pictures. i know! i'm sorry! kind of boring. but i'm in the process of switching computers and i don't have all of my pictures up on this computer yet. oh well! just some thoughts from my little head.

to say that i am shocked is an understatement. i have a lot on my mind this morning.
as i was sitting at my desk doing my "real job" stuff amy and david wenzel popped into my head. most of you probably remember me stating that i had the privelege of attending amy's photography workshop in may. her and david are an amazing couple. amy's love for the lord exuded through every time she got up in front of us attendees and you could just tell she was dying to pour out her love for Him on all of us! she's amazing. sadly a few weeks after the workshop when amy was about to start her second workshop she got a call about her husband david who was on a business trip in CA. david being the comedian he is had suffered from a bad seizure that morning because the night before as he was playing kung-fu fighting in the hotel lobby he smacked his head on a concrete post. needless to say - this concrete post may hopefully save david's life. amy canceled her workshop and flew out to be with david at the hospital. the doctors found a tumor in his brain that they believe has been growing there for 2-3 years. david and amy are now at mayo clinic in minnesota meeting with the doctors. they found out some tough news, which leads me to these thoughts...

have you ever feared so badly because life just seems "too good to be true?" it's sad, i have found myself over the last 7 years fearing the worst. the worst hasn't happened but it's sad that i fear it. does that mean i am not trusting in god enough? why should i fear when i know he's on my side?

and then i got to thinking, i love my life. i feel so blessed by all that god has over abundantly blessed me with, but i don't deserve any of it! i was reading in 2 samuel the other day and loved this verse so much i wrote it down and stuck it in my car.

2 samuel 7:21
"you know me, master god, just as i am. you've done all this not because of who i am but because of who you are - out of your very heart!"
and then the other day we sung the song "you alone" by david crowder in church and i really connected with it.
You are the only one I need
I bow all of me at Your feet
I worship You alone
You have given me more than
I could ever have wanted
And I want to give
You my heart and my soul
You alone are Father
And You alone are good
You are alone are Savior
And You alone are God
I'm alive, I'm alive I'm alive, I'm alive

but as i was reading david's blog this morning i got scared again. and i thought to myself - if i lost EVERYTHING would i still be so passionately in love with Him, my creator? if something horrible happened to my husband would i have the power and the strength to carry on? if not, what does that mean? i've put my hope in the things god has given me rather than him himself? that more than anything should make me fearful! not losing the crap that i have, but realizing that maybe i have put my hope in the wrong things. don't get me wrong...i've been through tough times before. growing up wasn't easy with the struggles my family faced. during those times i was able to cling to god!!!! and i wouldn't trade those years for anything! they taught me that he is always there and will always provide us with the hope that we need to live each day.

lots to think about. lots to pray about. lots of thoughts and emotions to prioritize.
it actually makes me feel like crying a little bit - but more than likely that's the prego hormones that i just love so much (insert a lot of sarcasm here).

i hope above and beyond all else that what the lord has done in my life, the ways that he has over abundantly blessed my husband and i that we would allow those ways to exude through us and reflect on everyone around us His love for this world! i am not worthy of any of this stuff, but He is so worthy of every bit of recognition and glory for all of it!

thanks lord for loving me. for showing yourself to me. for being persistent and patient with me. for allowing me to "try" to be a vessel for you!

please pray for amy and david! god is doing so much in them and through them. but i pray for so much strength and power and wisdom for amy as she walks this path!



amber said...

Thanks for sharing this Audrey! I think you're right on when you say you wonder if you've placed your hope in the things God has given you more than in God himself. I can say that I've done that before and it's usually a slap in the face for God to wake me up and say- "Hey! I'm the one who gives, and I can take away."

I think fearing the loss of ones we love is an understandable fear because we know the sorrow and pain that comes with it. I think we fear the pain more than the loss...because we have to live with it everyday.

Thanks for the update on David. Eventhough I don't know him and his wife I will lift up prayers for them!

Becky Abernathy said...

Audrey - i found your blog through Beth Jansens site. Great session you guys had with her. Anyway, wanted to stop by and say that i love your work. And how crazy is it that I just spent over an hour reading Amy and David's blogs...just recently found out about their situation. God is speaking to me in so many ways through their stories. LOVE the verse you posted. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is all by grace that we are even alive!