Tuesday, October 21, 2008

i think i'm good

i think i'm good. i really do. sometimes i compare myself. i'm embarrased to even say it! who am i? who am i to think i'm good enough? to the point of my own detriment, to the point of taking Him for granted. the fact that i think i'm good, is perfect proof that i need Him, and that i'm really not that good. not even close!
there's a woman in the bible whom i wish my faith was as strong. my confidence was as strong. my passion, as strong. she was a harlot. but she understood the gift! she wasn't good, and she knew it. she didn't consider herself to be good. but she knew she didn't have to, because she knew christ and the "good" that he had given her. she embraced his gift to her. and sh accepted it freely. i hate to admit it but i'm afraid i might depict the person more of simon in this story in luke. that's not who i want to be. and that's not how i want to approach my savior or anyone else who is worthy of the savior. because i don't want to think that i'm good enough. too good for a gift. i have a lot to be thankful for. a lot of things i've done wrong. a lot of failures. i'm not perfect. i am forgiven and i want to have an attitude of gratefulness, rather than an attitude of "well, at least i'm not doing that." i think i'm guilty of comparing myself to others. but instead i should be comparing myself to christ. that'll give me a wake up call.

luke 7:36-48 (the message)
one of the pharisees asked him over for a meal. he went to the pharisee's house and sat down at the dinner table. just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that jesus was a guest in the home of the pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume. when the pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "if this man was the prophet i thought he was, he would have known what kind of woman this is who is falling all over him."
jesus said to him, "simon, i have something to tell you."
"oh? tell me."
"two men were in debt to a banker. one owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. which of the two would be more grateful?"
simon answered, "i supposed the one who was forgiven the most."
"that's right," said jesus. then turning to the woman, but speaking to simon, he said, "do you see this woman? i came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. you gave me no greeting, but from the time i arrived she hasn't quit kissing my feet. you provided nothing for freshening up, but she has sooted my feet with perfume. impressive, isn't it? she was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. if the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal."
the he spoke to her: "i forgive your sins."

jeff henderson spoke at our church this week. north point community church. he did such an awesome job! the title of the message series was called illusions. if you'd like to listen to it - click here!
part 2 of the series was about self delusion.
"we can sit in the comfort of our homes as we follow the downward spiral of of celebrities in the media and think to ourselves, "wow, that person is really messed up!" and in doing so, we can be deceived by the illusion of our own goodness. yet when the truth of who you really are meets the truth of who jesus is, you discover the truth that sets you free. free from the illusions of your life. free to pursue god with confidence. free to worship him out of the reality of who we really are."

a few notes from the service:
+ stop depending on your goodness
+ the longer someone is a christian, it seems the less desperate we become for him
+ we are too familiar with the grace of jesus, so much so that we start to take it for granted
+ the illusion is distraction from him, from who we really are, from how bad we really are, from how much we really need him
+ jesus doesn't want a religion with us, but a relationship with us.
+ let's just assume there is a god. if there is, how are you going to find your way to him? it's not by being good. we can't find our way to him by being good.

just some food for thought.
hope you all have a great day!



Amber Douglas said...

I feel exactly the same way!! Almost all of the time I find myself with this terribly selfish perspective and I forget how wretched I am. Thank you so much for writing this Audrey. I'm in desperate need of the truth!!

Jennifer Katherine said...

Sometimes it's sooo hard to try and not live by our 'feelings'! I struggle with it all the time! But one day, it hit me.... I need to step out of the boat. I need to stop with what I feel and go with what He puts in my heart. :)